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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

Before I even started reading this, I was really excited and intrigued, because you're moving backwards. I love that.

I was not disappointed.

It can be difficult to jump straight into a scene like this without setting the stage and introducing the characters at least to some extent first - it often comes off (to me, at least) as awkward and disjointed. However, that was definitely not the case here. There were a few points that were a bit confusing and that I felt could have been tightened up (which I'll get to in a bit), but on the whole, this worked really well. You've given enough context with the story summary for me to immediately understand that the "them" in the first paragraph are "death eaters." That meant that everything she's thinking about how wrong this was and her flashbacks to the rest of her life made sense. They make me wonder how she got to this point, but I'm wondering in a good way - I want to keep reading to find out.

Sorry, I'm having trouble getting over this and talking about everything else. It's just so hard to start in such a charged situation and introduce a lot of questions without having it come across as confusing and too ambiguous, and you've managed to do that without giving us much more information about your OC than that she was a Hufflepuff, is becoming a death eater, and knew Sirius and someone named Amelia. It's something a lot of authors (including myself) have trouble with, and you've really done an excellent job.

I find your OC to be especially well-done, at least so far. You asked if she was believable. Absolutely! I don't know much about her yet, but her feelings throughout the chapter felt very realistic to me, and I'm interested to see how she came to this point. Her thoughts aren't just realistic, however - they're distinctive. I'm already starting to get a sense of who she is as a person, which is especially commendable considering how little I know about her. I especially liked her thoughts about the "bumbling sweaty pig" and how she tried to tell herself that he had no other choice. Even her killing the person felt like it fit in with the rest of the piece - the way that she was almost expecting him to move, and her realizing that he wouldn't, and that she did mean it, worked really, really well.

Okay. So clearly I loved this, but as I mentioned above, there were a few places that felt a bit too ambiguous, and I'm going to point them out. When she talks about not knowing the bumbling, sweaty pig and "them" covering her face with their cold metal, I was a bit confused. I think that you were talking about the death eater masks, but I would have liked to see a tiny bit more clarity there. I was also a bit confused about what they were doing to her wand. Finally, I wasn't really sure why the room was getting hotter - was she just feeling hotter, or was the heat actually rising? Why?

On the whole, though, this was really terrific. Great job! Just as a reminder, I only review one chapter at a time, but if this was helpful, please feel free to rerequest. :)

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you for your loong and lovely review! I love them! So helpful, i'm glad you thought the first chapter was good, i too was worried if people would get aggrivated by the ambiguity of it all. Thank you again for taking the time to review this!

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