Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:forsakenphoenix says:
Hi! So I'm finally here to at least read the first chapter. I pulled myself away from a thrilling pharmacology lecture to read this so I hope you're happy. ;)

Okay, first off, I can see why this won a Dobby! You can write, woman! I'm actually kind of jealous, especially with the way that you write Luna. She's...perfect. Slightly off-beat but a lot more coherent than most people would give her credit for. I like Luna though I think she tends to walk a bit to her own tune, you know? And I think you make some excellent observations about her character in this first chapter that really draws the reader in and makes them want to read more about her.

I loved the first part of this chapter - the part in italics - the small glimpse we get at Luna's future and what I'm sure this story will eventually get to. The idea of finding that one star - I love it. There's something soft and sweet about it, the way you've described it, it's like coming home. :)

Back to the observations about Luna...the first thing that really stood out to me was when she was walking outside and the stars "twinkled out an announcement to anyone who'd take notice" and Luna noticed. It's such a small, insignificant detail but it really says a lot about her, I think. Just that whole beginning part does. How closing a door is not an ending but a pause and gah, sunrise being a new day and your lines about the world's potential making colors's just fantastic imagery and so, so perfect.

Your descriptions here are wonderful and very vivid. I've always imagined Luna as this brilliant, vibrant character and you really bring her to life in this. Her interactions with her old friends reveals that she's definitely matured since Hogwarts but she's still a dreamer, and I love that about the way you've written her.

The only error I noticed was in the paragraph talking about sorting through the memories of her father's things, you wrote: "but not tonight was not that day." I think the first 'not' should be removed to make it flow better. Aside from that, this was excellently executed.

I am so glad I got around to reading the first chapter and I hope to come back to read more when I can! I'm sorry this review is kind of all over the place, I'm kind of flaily and in awe at how wonderful this story is. Well done, and congrats again, on the Dobby win - much deserved!

Author's Response: Pharmacology... sounds terrifying.

Luna has sort of grown as a character in my head, but I'm still really satisfied with her beginnings here. It may sound egotistical, but I really wish I could see the world through Luna's eyes on ocassion. Writing her has reminded me to not take the world around me for granted. I always worry that I'm going to hit a point where I over do the imagery and lose the story, so the fact that you appreciate the imagery in this chapter means a lot. You're a fabulous writer and your opinion means a lot to me.

Thank you so much for this review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 673
Submit Report: