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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This was beautiful. I really enjoyed it.

I think that you used present tense to great effect here. Usually I don't like present tense because I feel it makes writing description harder but the gentle simplicity of this story makes heavy use of description unnecessary.

As well, I think that you described James' love for Lily very well. There was nothing to suggest that you don't like this pairing and I liked the way you inserted Severus in the story. James seemed more mature here, calmer, and his feelings regarding Severus really showed this. He dislikes him because of the harm he and his cause could do to his Lily and I find that very understandable.

I also really liked the way you weaved his affection for Lily throughout the story. It wasn't awkward or out of place or plunked in the story like a big speech. It was very real and you could tell from the casual way he spoke of her beauty and his love for her that he really meant it, that he really felt it because it occupied his every thought.

I also found his attitude towards the war interesting. I don't think I've read a story before where he felt such dislike towards it- usually he is more passionate about the cause. However I think that his attitude worked very well with your quote, which, by the way, you did a great job of integrating. If I hadn't known it was from the Doctor challenge I would have thought that you wrote it.

All in all this piece was thoroughly enjoyed and I really do think that you wrote a convincing James/Lily story. Great work! I hope my comments are helpful and thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks for taking up my request and coming by to review! It means a lot to me :)

I'm glad you liked the present tense. I think sometimes you can kind of feel from the outset which tense to use for a particular story, and this one just begged me for first person perspective and present tense. I sometimes find that the emotions come through a little more raw in present tense, for some reason, and so I wanted to use it here.

Oh, thank you for commenting on my treatment of Severus from James's POV! I tried so hard to make it true to James, but true to the mature James who finally wooed Lily in the end. I also made a great effort to make James's feelings for Lily seem genuine and grown-up, and if I accomplished that, great! It seems like the story came out exactly as I intended it to, which is of course a huge compliment to any author.

Yes, the war -- I kind of like the idea of James and Lily being very disillusioned with the war, and because I wanted Lily to seem sort of innocent here by contrast to the fighting, I put the focus on James's feelings about the war. Weaving in the quote did have a lot to do with that, but I'm glad that it worked nonetheless.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review :)


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