Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review! Just tell me when you want to use the fifth one. :)
First, I want to point out a few little mechanical things.
You had a few issues with dialogue tags again; there aren't many, but you did have a few incorrect capitalizations (for example, in the third paragraph, the "she" after "No Ronald!" should not be capitalized. You also had a few words elsewhere in the chapter that were randomly capitalized - for example, in the sixth paragraph, you say "Now All" instead of "Now all," and in the eighth, you say "The Battle for" instead of "The battle for."
There were also a few other typos. In the paragraph starting, "Hearing her name being called from across the lake," it should be "breasts," not "breast's," and at you sometimes misspelled Seamus's name "Finnegan" rather than "Finnigan." (I make that mistake too sometimes.)
Additionally, in a few points, your description felt a bit awkward. For example, in the third paragraph, you say that Ron "frowned playfully." While I do think that I understand what you mean by that, it feels choppy and a bit unclear, and I think that there are ways you could have described the dynamic better. I also felt like you jumped the gun a bit with "and apparently Seamus Finnigan didn't know that" - that confused me more than if it hadn't been there in the first place.
This is definitely bizarre. I don't mean that in a bad way - it's just very odd. That's not to say I don't like it, because surprisingly (since I usually don't like AU in general - not a comment on your work), I actually kind of do. I felt like the AU part of the story actually flowed much better than the non-AU part of the story, which felt a bit forced and out of character for what we know of Hogwarts.
The new universe, however, is really intriguing, and I want to know what's going on! I think that you introduced some of the major differences really well by talking about Hermione's adjusting, and I actually really liked the fact that you cut out things like Krum and Sirius and the Triwizard tournament - it illustrates (at least to me) a lot of creativity and thought.
I'm really curious to see how you continue this. :)
Author's Response: Welcome back ^_^ lol
I know I am sorry about the dialogues, I haven't had a chance to change them in this story yet and it always bugs me :'( cause I know dialogues bug people (such as yourself ^.^) whyen they're not done the correct way but I honestly haven't had much time to do it :P Ill get on it asap I promise :)
I'd say my Beta changed Finnigan ;)
We know im all obssessed with Seamus, I wouldn't miss-speel his name lol .But its okay, because I know that Finnegan was actually how it was printed in a lot of overseas books, so it's no big drama for some readers I guess lol.
Ill take that last part into account too ^_^
My whole writing style is bizarre lol. :) A lot of people don't like AU at all, So I am greatful that you gave this story a chance and have taken the time to read it up to here :)
I had to cut out people and things and they where the only things I could think about lol :)
Thank you so much for your lovely honest reviews :)
It means a lot ^_^