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Review:academica says:
Hey! Here from review tag!

I like the humor in this piece. The biting sarcasm is pretty entertaining. However, you've got several typos in here that sometimes make it hard for the reader to understand your point. If you just proofread one more time before posting or get a beta to look over it, that should clear up the issue :)

Your character is an interesting person, but I personally would have preferred that you "show" me what she's like rather than just have her tell me directly. For example, when talking about her being impatient and angry, just her behavior toward the students fighting in the corridor was evidence enough of that. I don't think it was necessary to state it after the fact. Does that make sense?

Also, you've got a few inconsistencies in there; for example, you say that the Potions professor doesn't even bother giving her detention anymore, but then he does at the end of the chapter. I personally think that no respectable professor would actually stop giving a perpetually tardy student some sort of punishment, so you're probably better off just taking out the line about no more detentions :)

Great start! I can tell this will be a humorous story! :)

academica

Author's Response: Thanks so much for being so in depth! I'm going to do a major edit now :)
Yeah I've gotten in trouble before for telling rather than showing :o So I guess I'll have to be really careful with that, thanks for the tips about it though :) (It did make sense :P)
That's a really good point about the detention thing, I'm not sure what I was thinking :/
Thanks! :)


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