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Review:Bobby Dazzler says:
Howdy hun, thought I'd stop by and return the favour for the BvB battle :)

Took me a little while to understand this one, but when I realised it was written for the Halloween comp, I assumed those people were staffers or characterisations of staffers and it made a bit more sense lol.

I think you need the bold part to make the rest of it make sense, so dont remove it... Maybe remove the "bold" part and make it normal text, but dont actually remove the section itself lol.

There were a few minor spelling mistakes here but I will get out the ruler and wrap you over the knuckles on one little thing... *crack*... it's a lazy way of writing description. I'm sure you know this too, I'd strongly suggest editing that section and remove the *crack* and write it as a part of a description, rather than opting for the lazy way of writing description...

I thought it was quirky, loved that Draco got jealous of Harry only to realise that, in the world of HPFF, he's probably the more popular one lol. and Slughorn, whilst his slurring was sometimes a bit hard to understand, was a treasure. Only advice I could give is maybe a quick beta read to fix up the spelling mistakes, and please fix up the *crack* :S; adding more descripting to encorporate the five senses a bit more (sight, smell, sound, taste and touch) is up to you though.

Cute and quirky, made me smile :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I will fix that *crack* and un-bold that section soon! Ah! Don't hurt me with that ruler! I barely got my story under the 1,000 word limit! Yes, I suppose I should fill the story out more, now though, so I shouldn't be using that excuse anymore :P

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