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Review:Yorkgal says:
First off i'd like to say i love your story! At the begining, you said you'd copied the idea off of Dream_BIG, having read that fic myself i honestly dont think they're all to similar so you have nothing to worry about there, you're original storyline and basic information are the same but in writing/character personality content they're quite different.

Part of me wishes that you'd taken more time to add in the little descriptions that give the reader an picture to imagine from because otherwise i struggled to see what you were trying to do. I also felt like there were a few too many long chunks of dialouge with i found myself getting slightly lost in. Maybe you could have Lily explain to james about her boyfriend cheating because otherswise he doesnt know and in his mind Lily's kissing him while she still has a boyfriend. You could have also could given Lily a bigger reaction to James' confession about his mum.

On the good side, despite his speech about his mum being slightly rushed, i actually found it really sweet, his protective and vunerable nature when it came to his mum was a interesting side of James which is rarely shown to any one but Lily so i found it great that it was his mum this time. The characterisation was also amazing, you conveyed Lily's hate without the yelling etc and it wasnt like every other cliche broom closet fic.

Overall, you've got a very good one shot :)

Yorkgal

Author's Response: Thank you :D You certainly left a very long review, with lot's of points which I shall try to cover...

I wasn't sure whether it was just the idea that I had copied off Dream_Big, or the way it was set out, but thank you for clearing that up for me, because I wasn't sure whether to change it or not.

If you think it'll be best, I shall try and go back to add in more detail about who's speaking, what it is they're doing, and the whole 'Lily dumps Roger' thing. Although I find it makes sense, it's probably just because I lived in Lily's head for a while before I wrote this ;) I can also try and add in a little less dialoge, and maybe break it up a little, if that makes it easier?

I found that quite a few people thought that the 'cancer' part was rushed. Currently thinking of the things that could make it a little less rushed, and maybe when I could go back and edit it, as I'm currently working on NaNo(Sigh...), and cannot edit it until at least December.

[Quickly reads through next point in the review and tries not to jump up and down]

Thank you!! I thought that James should have someone that he could idolise, before he met Lily, and his Mum was obviously the perfect one. I'm very hyped that you think my characterisation was 'also amazing' and I hope that it was different in a good way?

:D So pleased I am actually trying to stop myself squealing. Most people don't take the time to leave lovely long reviews like that, even if they are requested.

Thank you so much!

Childy
x x


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