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Review:Elysa Strink says:
Hey there!

Stumbled across this story and wanted to let you know I really like it so far! The deeply personal characterization of dealing with grief is very touching - it immediately draws the reader in and connects them with the character, makes them care and want to know more. Even though there's so little action or events it really sets the stage well for a story, reminds of what's happened, and how it must have felt. Beautiful!

I noticed you'd received various critiques on your intro with the "theirs" and what-not, and if you don't mind, I'd like to weigh in! I actually really liked it. I didn't know what you were talking about at first, but I enjoyed the experience of finding out, it grabbed me right away. I was thinking "who?" and guessing whether it was friends, spouses, specific family members... and felt myself sort it out as it drew to your explanation. However, I felt it might have been a bit long, and that could have contributed to the awkward feeling of it. Maybe less of the examples would have worked better? Just a thought.

Also, I was kinda thrown by "the weasleys might be considered a perfect family." I get what you're trying to say, but something in me wants a further explanation before you use the word "perfect." Maybe you could throw in a few sentences or phrases about how they operated that made them so unique? It's a weighty word, and feels like it needs a bit of explanation, even though we know them.

I really liked it though, I hope you don't mind my spontaneous long review, just wanted to leave some thoughts!

~E

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad you like this story so far and no, I have no objections whatsoever to spontaneously long reviews! I'm so glad that you thought I characterized their grief well- it was something that's very important for the story.

Haha- yes, I have gotten many critiques on my use of "theirs" and I've changed it now to "their families"- the edit's in the queue. I made it the length that I did so that I could try and cover at least some of the many, many types of families out there.

I'll take into consideration your comment on the use of "perfect". I guess it is because we all know them so well that I didn't hesistate to call them "perfect". If I can work an explanation in there without disrupting the flow (in my opinion), I will.

Thanks once again for your opinions and for leaving a review!


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