Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Bobby Dazzler says:
Howdy there fellow 'Claw! :D Just stopping by to leave a review for you for the Bronze and Blue battle :)

I can tell that this would probably be some of your older work, as I'm sure I have read some of your more recent stuff and the language and style of your writing is different to this story.

I did get a little confused at time between the jumps to the past and present tense, it's not a writing technique I'm very fond of as it sometimes can get mixed up and put in different areas when you didn't mean to use it. I just think it leads to confusion personally, but I could still see what you were going for regardless; you were reflecting his time at school and his time in Azkaban, and then in Grimmauld Place (I'm assuming??)

As a reader, I do prefer a bit more description of the "here and now", as in settings, smells etc, just to really engrose me within the story itself. You did a bang up job on his emotions and memories, but a little more depth in regards to describing some places/events etc in his life/memories would've been nice. I always like to think of fanfic, as bizzare as this is gunna sound, as an entirely new work of fiction and assume that the reader knows nothing of the canon world of HP and you have to build it up from scratch again. Lets face it, everyone picks up various things within the books and overlooks some minor details regarding others, and some people may have read them a million times and others just the once. I always keep that in mind when I write something, cuz while I definitely stick to canon, I always remind my readers about events taking place in my story which are true in the JKR universe, just in case I picked up on something they didn't. Please dont think of this as me bashing on your story though, it's just a useful tip I wanted to point out cuz there were some instances within this story where a less obsessed HP fanatic reader might get lost in if they were to read this one shot, because to them they might have a harder time relating some instances back to canon.

I thought you captured the romance nicely, though it would've been nice to understand how they got together etc as well :) I enjoyed it though, well done :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 901
Submit Report: