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Review:Happy Hedwig says:
I like the way the chapter started out, with the three words, each of equal importance, which immediately creates an air of mystery. I always like how people start and finish the chapter in the same way, with the same words, which I feel is really effective.

I appreciate this is a one-shot, therefore is rather hard to include all the relevant information and description, nevertheless I think you made a great effort to do so. Although it is slightly confusing at the beginning what is troubling Talen, as you progress through the story all becomes clear, which I think wraps up the story well.

In the second-to-last paragraph, you have used quite a lot of fulls stops, which maybe could be sentences joined together by certain connectives? Other than that, the grammar is nearly spot on! :)

I especially like your use of paragraphs, it is much easier to read than a long, chunky piece of writing.

If I were to offer any suggestions of improvement, I would advise you to perhaps develop Talen's character a bit more so we become familiar with his personality, and a bit more description of how he ended up with Marguerite.

Other than that, this is a great adaptation of mystery in a one-shot, hard to do but you have done it very well. Well done, keep it up! :)

~ Happy Hedwig :D

Author's Response: Thank you :D

This story was for a challenge but I felt that I really connected to it so I feel as if I need to try and put more information in. I may edit though


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