Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Phoenix_Flames says:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. First off I want to apologize for taking so long with this request! I'm really sorry. Things have just been quite hectic lately, but I finally got around to this. And I'm so glad you requested! I'm sure this is going to be a great piece.

You had a fantastic opening chapter here, and I enjoyed it so much! You really opened it in a way that a multi-chaptered story should start, and you pulled me in right off the bat!

I think that's the most important thing in a novel length story. The first chapter has to be enthralling enough to entertain the reader and keep them coming back for more. I think that's vital, and you most certainly did that here!

I loved how descriptive it was. It was in-depth and moving, and you wrote it in such a way that your reader could relate to. When you wrote about the different people and such in the introduction, with your comparisons, I could think of a person I knew to compare that to, and immediately I knew how to think and feel.

One thing I noticed as I was reading that first section was how you use "theirs." And I'm not even sure what's right, but it just looks a little odd to me. The first sentence I had to go back and read to understand it completely, and then I came to the conclusion that you were referring to someone who "belongs" to someone in a way, yes? So theirs? So when looking at possessions, it made me think that there needed to be an apostrophe before the s, but then I thought back to 'hers' and how that's written and now I don't know. :D So technically I have no idea what's right; it just looks a little odd. :D

But anyways! No more ranting about my confusion. I loved every bit of this. I felt like you knew the Weasley family personally just by the way you wrote them. It seemed like first person account, and you had such vivid descriptions full of emotions, and you're really painted a picture for this story for your reader.

I liked your abrupt sentences. They really got the point across and had an impact on the reader, and I also loved how you didn't dwell on boring introductions. With a need to impress the reader, there is no time for that, and you definitely didn't waste time doing that. You used the plot to help further their personalities, and you were marvelous at it!

I am so excited to find out more. Especially when you have left it like this for poor Ron. I want to see what happens!

This was great, and I really don't have anything bad to say. I enjoyed it all so much, and it was all great. I was just confused about that one little thing, and that is so minor. Really great job.

I hope you found this somewhat useful! You are definitely good to go on descriptions and all that. You have them nailed in this chapter.

I can't wait to see where you take this! You have a great set up here. Unfortunately I can only hit the first chapter for now because my queue has a ridiculous number in it, but I will be back as soon as I can. However, you can always come request the next chapter whenever you like. :)

Great job!

Drue

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I've hardly noticed the delay!

Someone else also mentioned the problem with the "theirs" so I will definitely go back and try to fix it. The only problem is that I now have to figure out how to phrase it differently...

I have such a huge smile on my face right now- I'm so glad you liked it! I'm going to enter this in the "Depth of Character" challenge (featuring Arthur) so I'm so glad that you think I did well with their characterization.

I'm also so glad that you liked the flow/sentence structure of the piece. I was really trying to show the emotions of the characters through them and I'm glad that came across nicely.

Thanks so much for the review and all the compliments- I think I will be back soon to request another review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 409
Submit Report: