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Review:CambAngst says:
Once again, you have a way with touching little details. The ending was great.

Overall, I felt like this chapter should have been longer. The scene with Angelina and George felt too easy, as though she just wandered into the shop and George instantly broke out of a six-month funk. The scene either needs more setup or more dialog or maybe both.

The way that the next scene jumps ahead several years needs to be better explained. Reading that Fleur was pregnant again gave me a sense that time had passed, but seven years doesn't seem right. If I recall correctly, Victoire was born about 2 years after the end of Deathly Hallows, so she would be 5 if seven years had passed.

The last thing I noticed was this line: "his eyes were beginning to glint in a way that had Arthur worried for the Burrow's stability." I thought the scene was taking place in George's apartment over the shop in Hogsmeade, so I'm not sure why Arthur is worried about the Burrow.

Overall, I still really like this story. Can't wait to see what you do with the remaining two chapters.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review! I'm glad that you think the ending was good.

Thanks for your comments- I will go back and look at it again. I think because I wasn't writing this story in chronological order (flipping between scenes) some scenes seemed longer in my head, or the timing seemed clearer.

The reason I had Arthur worried for the Burrow is that in when George was younger the majority of his pranks took place at the Burrow. Arthur was reminiscing a little, perhaps remembering the times when the Burrow's structure had threatened to collapse. Maybe I should make that clearer...

Thanks once again for your review- I really enjoy your constructive criticism!


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