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Review:NaidatheRavenclaw says:
Hi! Naida here from the forums with your review!

My first thought after finishing this one shot is wow. This was an incredible inisight into the life of such a minor character. He actually is a huge part of the books, but he seems to be one of the characters often overlooked in fanfiction. I've never even seen a story about him, and then you come up with this piece of brilliance :D

Your Moody was spot on. I loved the repetition of constant vigilance. It was a reminder, each and every time, of the Moody that we knew from canon. He was such an impersonal character there, so getting into his head seems like a daunting task, but you did it perfectly. Even though he was near emotionless for most of the books, the way you portrayed his feelings was so realistic.

I especially loved the insight to his father. It makes so much sense that he'd be a soldier in WWII! You managed to show exactly how he got his drive and spirit, and in 700 words too. Absolutely incredible.

One little sentence that was awkwardly worded: " He reminded himself of this every time the ache throbbed." The ache throbbed just doesn't sound right xD Since ache is implying pain, the throbbed just doesn't fit. I'd change one of the two words, and then you should be good.

This was brilliant. If I'm ever asked to reccomend a story about a minor character, I'm pointing people in this direction xD

-Naida

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming by so quickly :)

I'm glad Moody seemed canon-ish! I love him in canon and would never want to twist him too far out of it. I did try to expand a little on the constant vigilance by including some background about his father and his school days, so I'm pleased that all of that worked for you.

Hmm. Well, I'm thinking of a toothache, where the pain kind of ebbs on and off, so that would be "throbbing" to me. I think we'll have to disagree on that point. Anyway, I definitely value the input of my reviewers, so I'll keep it in mind for future writing, okay? :)

Thanks! I'm so flattered by your kind review!

academica

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