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Review:Serendipity1234 says:
Another amazing chapter!!

I'll admit after the last chapter and all the focus on Anya's mom, I had been wondering where her dad was. And it sounds like it's not good...like prison, or missing, or dead. I can't wait to find out!!

I really loved the part with Anya dancing =] it was wonderful to read about her feeling overcome with joy and just loving dancing. Although I thought Sergai's role in it seemed a little odd...I mean I liked how through him we saw how Anya can be trusting, but I felt like something more was going to come from his involvement in the chapter. Like he was going to ask her out, or become another one of her friends...I don't know. Basically he seemed more significant than just a static character to be mentioned once (probably because of all the detail about his warm face juxtaposing his sharp eyes and him catching her waist when they danced) and I was kind of surprised when his whole involvement was abruptly cut off by the end of the dance and Alicia'a arrival.

I was very happy to find Alicia back in the story, though! She really is a wonderful friend and she's one of my favorite characters because of that. Plus, I think if you hadn't brought her back soon, Anya'a lack of friends would have seemed really lonely and depressing.

And I loved their banter! =] it was really funny and I liked seeing Anya lighten up. It made the transition back to her worried state more dramatic, too.

I thought you did an excellent job with the article. It had a very rebellious, dissatisfied, and righteous tone to it. I thought that showed so much of Katherine's personality.

I was, however, sort of surprised that you didn't include hardly anything about Sirius. After all the agonizing over how much it 'exposed' him, the article completely refocused Anya's thoughts and worries onto her family. I'm not sure yet if I like that or not. On on hand, I was disappointed by the lack of Sirius' mention because I am, of course, dying to see them together again and I was hoping the article would instigate it. But on the other hand, I'm still curious as to how this will pan out. I wonder if it will circle back to Sirius?

And I do like how this story is taking things slow when it comes to the relationship between Sirius and Anya. You make your characters so complex and I love getting to know them so well. But I am wondering...will the whole story take place in summer? I know you have all the ballet stuff going on in the summer and Anya is so detached from the magical world most of the time, but I don't see how their relationship can all fit into one summer. I mean they haven't actually met yet...I suppose if the relationship itself was short-lived you could fit it all. And if Anya did go to school, it would be really interesting to see that other aspect of her life, even if she does kind of resent it. But it might be weird with no ballet in the story. Unless she does dance at school?

Anyways, you have, once again, concluded very mysteriously and I loved that! The cliffhangers make me so curious and eager to read the next chapter. Please update soon =]

C

Author's Response: When I wrote this chapter I was very unsure about it for a lot of reasons, and after reading your review it wasnt just a feeling, it was certainty. I really think I let you down with this one, especially after getting your hopes up with the previous chapter and the cliffhanger. Now, I want to explain some of why that happened.

At first, I had wanted to make this chapter all about Katherine's article, like the whole chapter was going to be the article and Act 13 would show the effects of it all around. But by TOS rules I couldn't do that, so I had to mix it with the narrative and the entire effect of Act 11's cliffhanger was ruined.

Also, the chapter is very messy and the narrative feels choppy. I put elements in there randomly and got it as fast as I could because I couldn't wait to get the chapter out, but that was a mistake. I realize now that I should have waited until I got it together better and it was your review actually that made me see that as clearly as I do now. So thank you for that. Im going o tell you what Im going to change: I'll add something to give Sergei a bit of a more defined role, with a purpose within this chapter. You are right, it was cut off abruptly by Alicia's arrival. I was impatient, and it showed in the worst way. (One of the reasons I'm so impatient is also because I feel that Sirius and Anya's relationship should start for real, because its taking me too long. But thought I'm aware that if I don't get a move on the story will be dragging - that's a constant fear of mine - I dont want to feel forced. By the next chapter Im counting on putting them into a situation where they will HAVE to interact.)

Im not sure whether to end the chapter at the end of the article, or show Anyas reaction to it... The entire ending felt rushed even as I wrote it. Now it just sounds worse. I cut the part about Sirius on the article on purpose because I didnt want to bore you guys, seeing that as a reader you'd already know what had happened between the brothers. But now Im wondering about Anya's reaction and again, like you said, it's weird that she doesn't think about him at all when she's always obsessing over him even when she doesn't want to. Either way, there is some serious editing about to happen.

I liked writing about Anya happy by the way, I haven't gotten the chance to do it much in this story. That part was supposed to be written, because it's going to be a big antithesis to what's coming next. As for the story, it's going to start in the summer, but it's going to continue through the entire school year. And possibly after, but that's a part I'm still not so sure yet -I haven't looked that far into the future. I know how the story will end though, weirdly enough, and like all things with me, the ending scene was the one I thought of right after Id come up with the idea of the story. There's no way I could make them fit it all in the summer, it's not a passing love I'm writing about. Oooh, I just can't wait to write about Anya at Hogwarts. She is going o be so different, I really hope you enjoy it. But I have mentioned very briefly in the story, that Anya takes the minimum amount of classes necessary to pass the year, because she uses the rest of the day to practice her ballet... while everyone is studying Transfiguration or something.

Mini spoiler to make up for this crappy chapter. Im changing the title of this one (making "Prelude to shellshock" a two-parter) and the title of the next chapter is going to be "The secondary effects of shockwaves" and Anya is going to explode in it!

Thank you for your very honest review and thank you for being back and reading and taking the time to tell me what you think about what you read. Im going to try really hard to live up to my best writing in the next chapter.

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