Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Beeezie says:
For some reason, my account is glitching out and refusing to allow me to leave a logged in review... :

But this is Beeezie, here with your review!

This was an interesting read, and on the whole, I liked it a lot.

On a purely aesthetic level, I liked it. You've got a great writing style, and the imagery was lovely. The way you talked about and described the butterflies and DeAnna's connection to them - it was new and interesting, and I honestly don't think I've ever read anything like it in any fanfics. It was really just beautiful.

I also thought that you did a nice job and at showing the narrator's connection with his daughter, and how they feel about Arabella being away for so much of the year. I could really feel DeAnna's excitement in particular for her mom to be coming home.

I pretty much liked everything that was here - I just would have also liked to see a little more. Does that make sense? Most importantly, I wanted to see the story grounded in some way. I wasn't sure what time period we were talking about, or where (other than France, presumably), and what kind of history the characters had with each other. The chapter on its own felt like it was floating without any real anchor, and I wanted an anchor. I also felt like the ending was a bit rushed - all we hear is that she wasn't looking great. I wanted more detail about that, too, you know?

On the whole, I really liked this chapter - but I think that if you fill it out a bit more, I will love it. Please feel free to rerequest if you found this review helpful. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great and constructive review even though you're account was glitching. :)

A main reason that this story doesn't have any real anchor was because I didn't know what time period it was, or even who the narrator was when I started writing this. I just knew, "father taking care of daughter while her mother is away teaching school" and that's the extent of my notes. :D Now that I do know more about the time period (down to exact dates and birthdays) I will be going back to add more of that in as you've pointed out that it would be helpful to the story.

I also at the time was not sure what exactly was wrong with the mother, which made it difficult to write about her symptoms. With a little more research I will also be able to add to that. :)

I'm unsure on what exactly you mean by you wanted to see more though so I will be PM-ing you concerning that.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thank you again for taking your time to write such a helpful review! I will be sending some more of my stuff your way. :)
Thanks!
xoxo
kalkay


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 359
Submit Report: