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Review:justonemorefic says:
Oh, I love the way you wrote it. I think the short paragraphs work for a fic told in such a pace, although there are times where I'd pair more sentences together into a paragraph, because they go together. Sentences like, "You nod to yourself when you remember that the guardian of the baby, if something were to happen, is your best friend/The babyís godfather." I'd put together, maybe even join it with a comma. You choose your words very carefully (and quite well! :) ), so it's best to put impact on the sentences that really, really matter, since you have so many.

I do feel a little detached from James. I think it's something that's more difficult to achieve with this style, because there are so few actions and it's mostly just observations floating in James' mind that aren't anchored in any time or place. I still think it's a lovely piece; it's great that you're trying out new stuff :)

Author's Response: aw, thank you so much for writing a review i can actually improve with! yeah, i get what you mean about the sentences, and how you're just floating around in his head.

I'll definitely be keep those in mind while editing and while writing other stories like it :)
thanks again for reviewing ^_^


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