Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ravenclaw_princess says:
Wonderful job once again. There as so much of Hugo in this chapter. He has a very dark secret and I really want to know what it is. For all the confidence he projects, you can tell that he is also very aware of the danger. He came across as quite scared and he really didn't want to put Hugo in danger, a sign of just how deep his feelings for him ran.

I like how Hugo is so much more experienced than Xander. You showed this very well in their scene in the pool. It also mimics their personalities nicely.

The section break where you went from Xander going to bed to one month later was a little unclear at first. This is because the one month later section started with Xander waking up which seems like a natural progression from the end of the first section. The time difference between the two sections needs to be established in the first paragraph. Other than this though, the story is flowing nicely.

The romance is really good and believable. They are both a little unsure but yet hopelessly attracted to each other. Xander's hesitancy was classically shown when he couldn't seal the kiss. I like Hugo's flirtatious comments too. Poor Lysander must be so embarrassed.

You've made a great start to this story and I commend you for taking on such a difficult pairing. But you have done it well and believably. You have a great use of words and description and grammar is really good. The dialogue sounds very natural as well. I've favourited this story as I want to know what happens. Well done.

Author's Response: You find out his secret soon enough. :)

Yeah, I need to find a way to fix that. But, like in the first chapter, I couldn't seem to place it without just forcing it in that it was a month later. It's kind of hard because it's a short story, it's like three months in nine chapters.

Lysander's always embarrassed. I like his as a character who's not cocky or flirty like Hugo. They seem like opposites, but they totally suit each other! :D

Thank you!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 691
Submit Report: