Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ravenclaw_princess says:
Hello...ravenclaw_princess finally here for you're requested review. I apologise for the long got busy...but any way...

I thought this was a very nice first chapter. You set the scene very well and launched straight into the main plot. You also showed a lot of Lysander's personality and have alluded to Hugo's. There is also mystery that makes me want to keep reading, ie, why does Hugo need protecting, what did her see?

It seems like Lysander has something going on in his life to make him late and forgetful. His mind is obviously occupied, but exactly what is causing the change in behaviour from his training days until now is a mystery. I wonder if it's related to who he's attracted too...I guess I'll find out. It's great that Harry is so supportive of him. He came across a little stressed out and also aware that he was disappointing a lot of people, and himself, but for some reason he just wasn't able to pull himself together. You could see he was trying though.

Luna was so sweet. It must have been highly embarrassing for Lysander though to have his mummy call in to bring him the things he'd forgotten when he's trying to become an auror. He would be teased so much if anyone saw that.

I couldn't quite get into Luna at first. Her speech seemed a little too formal and thought out at times. However, the part when she mentions the wispies is just so completely Luna.

you've done a good job of Harry. You've captured his fatherly nature well and I could just imagine him looking out for Lysander like he does. I like the little aside about Draco and Harry's friendship. While it wasn't dwelt on, it was nicely included and gave a little of the history of Harry since the war.

The story was written quite well and I was completely hooked by it. Spelling and grammar were pretty good and I think I only spotted one typo. You've got a good grasp of vocabulary which kept the writing sounding fresh as your used different descriptors. There was quite a lot of description throughout the story too which created a nice atmosphere.

My two points of note are
1) It seemed like it was still morning, or maybe afternoon when Hugo arrived, but then they arrive and go straight to bed. I felt there needed to be a sentence in here somewhere that gave and indication of the time of day, ie Lysander working late waiting for Hugo etc
2) It's quite clear that Hugo is making Lysander blush, but we don't know what Lysander thinks about his reaction. Is he confused about it or does he know that he is attracted to guys. A little internal monologue for Lysander would be good to show if his is confused by his reaction or fully aware of how Hugo makes him feel.

Awesome job though, I'll be back as soon as I can to review the next two chapters. You've definitely made a nice start.

Author's Response: Hey! Ashamed to say I forgot I requested a review, so it was a pleasant surprise seeing this. :)

Lysander, in the beginning, is one of those people who will work so hard to prove he's good at something. But he tried to hard and after training it all caught up with him. There's nothing going on in his life but work and he's just so tired! This assignment will do him good. :)

I can't write Luna. No matter how hard I try. But I will keep trying!

Harry I can write... Sometimes! LOL.

Thank you! Characters, grammar, vocab, I can do. Description: I seem to be terrible at it. But I tried so much harder with this story, it's nice to hear I can do description! Yay!

Yeah, it's late in that part. I didn't know how to add it in that it was late without just putting it in.
Lysander knows he's gay, he tells Hugo in chapter two (which I think you've read). He blushes because he's liked Hugo for a while.

Thank you SO for the review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 758
Submit Report: