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Review:Perelandra says:
Hey, its Perelandra here with your review.

While you had a good idea to have short sentences and the questions I think it wasn't executed that well. Because you're limiting yourself to explaining this story through one POV and short sentences, the details and description not only get confusing but also lost. In the beginning, is the 'you' Pansy? Who is the 'he' you're referring to? Pansy's boyfriend? Is this happening in a social gathering or Draco's wedding?

I do like, however, how you portrayed the other girl. Draco's wife. She seems manipulative, in a way, what what little you told us. She wanted Draco and she got him. The last two paragraph you can really tell Malfoy's agony of not being with Pansy, and I liked that.

Anyway, that is it. I hope you don't think I'm being too mean. Sorry if I do cross that way. Just my honest opinion.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, and I'm going to try to iron it out after NaNo. I really appreciate the time you took to review my story, and the constructive criticism is very helpful in improving my writing. :)
Annie


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