Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review! Lets get reviewing! Just so you know I tend to start with a running review and then towards the middle/end I tend to give up because the stories become too interesting! Haha.
I can already tell you're writing about Viktor in the very beginning or maybe I'm wrong. But I don't think I am because he's thinking about Quidditch, then again Ron plays Quidditch. But the reason I think it's Viktor is because he's very intune with himself, he, to me anyway, has always been that person (even though he's really only in the fourth book) that wasn't flashy. He seemed the type to be nervous around Hermione and because of the way he speaks, his accent I would say, or the language barrier he has with the others at Hogwarts it makes sense that he would have a 'long-lasting relationship with nervousness.' Love the elephant stamping his stomach! Everyone usually uses butterflies, I know I do, but elephants seem manlier.
You said you were worried about characterization. I haven't gotten that far into this one-shot yet but just the small things that you add into the story make it believable. I mean Fleur is beautiful and Viktor is quite a delicious looking man and the small details you add in really make it seem like they are these two people that deserve all this attention. Which is what J.K.R was going for in the fourth book when she introduced them. These are two big characters and they need a powerful introduction but you did it in such a way where I'm smiling because the secretary, his mouth is open. Everyone is watching them. That's what I like, everyone is watching them but it isn't overly dramatic.
I can also see the green-eyed monster coming to play because Viktor wants to punch the secretary and the tiger in his chest---honestly these animals you add in are perfect metaphors to use---because another man is helping fleur? He is a typical man, thank you for making him a typical man and not a pansy!
Ah, you keep Fleur and Viktor in character so well! You've really got the spelling down which is hard! I'm impressed, I know I wouldn't be able to write them because thinking about how they would speak English, well, it brings a whole new meaning to the English language!
I'm sorry but that kiss was epic. Hands down, Fleur and Viktor a new favorite pairing of mine. Once I'm done writing this review I'm favoriting this one-shot because that was just too good! That one line: Now we can go. Made all the difference to it, it was a bit funny, a bit heart warming and perfect for their personalities.
You even had Ron and Ginny stay true to character as well. There wasn't much Hermione or Harry (even though the awkward nervousness was there when he went to interrupt the couple). Having Ron add in that he and Hermione are engaged made me shake my head because that is so Ron. He would add that in towards the end just to show Viktor that he won, Hermione is his.
I also really like how you have Viktor put Hermione on this pedestal. She's a great friend to him and you clarify that their relationship is just a friendship but you can tell in the books and I can tell in this that he really respects her.
This was my favorite part though of the entire thing, it was a perfect ending: In his stomach, the elephant settled down to sleep, the butterflies folded up their patterned wings and the green-eyed monster faded away, crumbling into dust.
I love when endings tie into the beginnings and sentences compliment each other.
You did a wonderful job writing this. The characters are true to heart and the entire concept, the green eyed monster is believable because jealously really can hinder us just like it did to Viktor.
The one thing I will say is you need to go over this one more time; there were two errors, nothing big, just a small word missing here and there but it didn't take away from the story.
Thank you so much for requesting a review!
Author's Response: Haha, that's fine! It seems a perfectly sensible way to go about it!
I honestly have no idea why I used an elephant. I used a tiger in another piece and butterflies really are a bit girly :P
I've never written either of them before and I was really unsure about his characterisation (I re-read the bits in GoF with him in specifically for this) so I'm so glad that you think it's alright. And they are big characters, and actually quite fun to write. I may have to write more about them...
Well, Viktor in the books is quite jealous, so I kinda based the beginning off that, really.
The spelling killed me, lol! It was so infuriating! I was forever deleting words and editing 'the' to 'ze', etc.
The bit with the kiss was my favourite part to write :D
I adore Ron and the way he's so funny and protective and... well, Ron. I debated about putting more Hermione in, but thought that it might detract from the Viktor/Fleur, due to GoF.
I've always imagined the Hermione/Viktor relationship to be more under Hermione's control, in a way since I've always thought of him as being really shy.
Ooh, typos! I do that all the time; thanks for pointing it out!
Thanks so much for the wonderful review!