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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
If you hadn't identified the main character once, I don't think I ever would have figured it out. That's not necessarily a bad thing, either. I think it helps the reader identify more with the character - that a lot of us have been in that position where the other sibling is always smarter, more athletic, more popular.

I think you do a wonderful job describing Lysander's feelings about Lorcan and I found the last observation very interesting. You spend the entire story focusing on everything about Lorcan that Lysander hates and/or is envious about - how everything comes to easily to his brother - and then you repeat the first line again, only for him to reflect on his jealousy and wonder if it's himself he hates more for not being as 'perfect' as Lorcan.

I felt so bad for him when Rose's fiance scoffed at his gift. :( It was definitely thoughtful and Rose seemed to appreciate it so it made me angry that she didn't try to stop him from walking away.

I did notice a missing word in this sentence: "We learned to have opinions on everything from the weather to new Minister of Magic." I think there should be the word 'the' between 'to' and 'new.' I thought there was something else I noticed but I can't seem to find it now.

Overall, though, this was a very enjoyable read. Your story flowed very nicely. There was no awkward phrasing and there was just enough dialogue to balance out the prose. You've definitely made me feel for Lysander and I think that is an important aspect of writing a story. Nicely done. :)

Author's Response: I realized that Lysander's situation wasn't unique, which why I made sure to name him that one time. I did't want it to look like I was going out of my way, but since it's important to know who he is and that he's a twin, I definitely knew I had to make that clear. I just went in and added that he was a twin, in another section, just so that it was one hundred percent clear. ;)

I intended all along for Lysander to question himself, but not have a revelation so much as mention an insecurity he can just about name by the end of the story. He knows enough to be mad at himself, but there's still a portion of the blame focused on Lorcan. A lot of the same anger is actually divided between them. And I think that's what it's like a lot of the time, when we know we're responsible but can't help hating that other person anyway.

Thanks for pointing out the typo, I'll get that fixed. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that you felt for Lysander.

Thanks so much for the review! Sorry it took so long to reply.


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