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Review:Cleopatraa says:
Well this is Cleopatra from the forums with a review for the hooked sentence challenge. First of all, Iím so sorry for the lateness of the review but this is my exam year so Iím really busy. I really like the summary and title for this one I think itís very well picked because itís so simple. Also I like the fact itís about a minor character seeing as I love them. I would advise you to get a banner because many people donít read stories unfortunately without a banner. You can request one at TDA. Uhm before I begin reading this ( Iím reading an writing my review at the same time ) I noticed you have such large spaces between your paragraphs perhaps you could fix it some readers find them annoying ( not me I once had a reviewer complain about it in my own story so I mean it in the best way)

Onto the hooked sentence, since that's what this challenge was all about. I think it was very fitting for this story and the mood you were going for and that it fit the end and beginning well so well done.

I really liked this sentence: ďHe had dreams of catching each moment of his childís lifeótheir first steps, their first smile, the moment they were bornóbehind a lens.Ē Itís such a fitting thing for Colin to do and it says so much about the way you portrayed him. Also I notice in fanfictions that many writers donít let their characters think about marriage or children ( in you case children) though itís a normal thing to think about it. ( Like if you want it or not)

I really liked the idea the way you portrayed his parents and brother while they were dealing with the grief of a lost one seeing everybody deals different with that.

That's about all I can think to say. This was a really a touching piece and I hope you enjoyed entering this challenge. I have to remind you off the fact you can enter as many times as you want ;P Thanks for entering my challenge and check back after the deadline to see if you've won!

Cleopatra

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm glad you liked the simpleness title and summary- I think it suited the story. I enjoy writing minor characters- there's so much more you can do with them!

I'll definitely try fixing the spacing- I always have problems with it. As well I'm glad that you thought the hooked sentence worked with the story. I actually wrote the whole story around the sentence.

Thanks once again for reviewing! I'm glad you liked reading it.


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