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Review:SeverusLove says:
Dear TenthWeasley,

Hey hey hey! I'm back. :D I particularly love this chapter mostly because there is not much known about Eileen and Tobias so you basically have free reign on how to portray them, hence testing your creativity.

The first few sentences were beautiful. The way you went about describing the scenery was very believable, I could almost see it. I tend to be overly critical with descriptions and how sometimes, it gets too boring and drags on dully. But yours didn't seem to be the case since I found I loved every bit of detail and how you made it sound so interesting and poetic. It was simple, and to the point. Yet portrayed the scene and emotions perfectly.

The flow of the story was consistent. Only towards the end of the story when she named him Severus did I find it a bit rushed. Where did this inspiration come from? Was she not surprised at herself? How strong was her will to 'do anything to help him grow into the strong and powerful man she was sure he would become'? (It makes me wonder where she failed since in the series, Severus didn't speak that highly of his mother...) How did she plan on shaping this new hope and purpose in her life and how sure was she of this new hope to her? And how in the world was she supposed to dream of Severus seconds after seeing him? It was all just too sudden, the change of heart, I would've liked to dig deeper and seen her closure and realizations, the depth of her feelings. The issue of Tobias didn't seem to be one she could have let go of fairly easily.

The characterization was very good, you gave meaning and personality to each character and I could see that very clearly - the way Eileen begged to wait for her husband, the tears of hurt and humiliation, the part where her parents warned her against marrying Tobias, the part where Tobias shrugged off his coat carelessly and went to sleep, and even the scene where the mysterious voice of the midwife and her stained teeth made her feel a thrill of fear. They were very unique and gave depth to your characters. I even find myself wanting to know more about everyone - even the midwife and the parents - so that's a plus for you. :)

I didn't see anything majorly wrong with the spelling and grammar.

The plot is good, I can see why this should've been the first chapter to your story. It does sound like THE beginning. Establishing Snape's past and his character and then moving on to more present occurrences, I think it would help the readers understand your take on him more if it was the first chapter.

"Whatever Eileen had hoped might happen once her husband returned home, it hadn't been that.

She felt tears prick her eyes as her strongest contraction yet gripped her body, and it wasn't just from the pain." - this had to be the most vivid part for me. It pretty much sums up their relationship and Eileen's hurt accurately in that couple of powerful words.

Overall, it was very interesting, unique, and believable in a canon-like way. Their emotions went across perfectly and appropriately, I congratulate you on a job well done. :)

I'll See You Next Chapter Then,
Sevvy
*bows*

Author's Response: The order of the chapters in this story is messed up, but there is a reason why. :3 Originally, the first chapter was written for a song-fic challenge that was due sooner than the entirety of the story, which was for another challenge altogether. So it was validated first although it is technically supposed to be chapter 3. It was only after validation that I learned that the first chapter, no matter what it is, cannot be moved around.

As for where inspiration for naming Severus came from, it was completely irrational and unprovoked, and that was the point. She had no time to think about it and it was an impulse, if you will. I see Eileen as a somewhat impulsive person, in looking at her marriage and how for all canon intents and purposes it was implied to be unhappy.


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