Hey, it's me, SeverusLove from the forums and I'm here to review! :) You seemed to be challenging me with a Snape/Lily Dobby nominated story and I was like: "Oh dear, first review and it's hard already." But hahaha, I did try to give you a helpful review. :))
The first sentence "He had been having that dream again." was good. It's the type that once you read it, it takes your full attention out of curiousity and then your mind automatically tries to guess what's coming next. In plain words, it keeps you reading.
At first, as I was reading the story, I found it somehow uncharacteristic of Snape to get up from weekly nightmares, stumble around, cry, then brush the tears away furiously, and then say her name across the lake on a night in a romantic scene. Oh, and especially not that last sentence. It was too rushed. He had still to get used to saying her name again, much less proclaiming his undying love for her with his mouth.
But then I took a step back and reanalyzed. Lily's son was arriving the next evening and taking into account Severus' character, I suppose it was highly possible of him to reminisce and then shed one or two tears before the living embodiment of his mistakes and pain came.
I understand those particular nightmares and if it were to come more often on the nights approaching Harry's arrival. I understand if it were once a month, once every two weeks, or even once every 10 days. Every week for almost a decade seems too often though. But since Severus Snape didn't really have very much to do with his time other than study, work, and brood, it is a plausible event.
In short, I guess it was just a unique take on Severus that I don't come by very often, and I think you do understand his character, and it was believable enough, so whether it was in character or not, I reserve my judgement 'til I've finished the whole piece.
The description was good, not too much that you'd get bored of all the useless describing junk, but not too little that you don't understand what was happening though.
The flow of the story was good enough, it kept the same tone consistently although there was a part that seemed to waver slightly and was unclear - "It hadn't been easy, either, sneaking up out of his common room in the dead of night," when I first read that sentence and the sentences following it, I wondered what he meant. Were these scenarios from/about his dreams? Or did he do it on the present and then imagine her come? Or was he reminiscing? It was when I reread the part where I understood it. That might be just me although you might want to clear that up a bit.
The plot of the story seems interesting enough. Since I'm not quite sure where you want to go with this yet until I reach the next chapter, it was good so far. :)
"She had turned down apology after apology, seemingly without a care in the world. Surely she must have known she was breaking his heart, but she seemed ice cold and deaf to his pleas. She wouldn't acknowledge his pathetic excuse for calling her...that word. She wouldn't even acknowledge that he had broken rules for her." - this had to be the most vivid part of the story for me. My heart goes out to Severus but at the same time, I understand where Lily comes from too; it was what made it very sad and bittersweet.
"He would look after Lily's son, and attempt to mend what had remained broken between them for so long." - this is the other most vivid part of the story for me and one of my favourite sentences in the story. It's just the sentence I'm sure Severus would have said at one point before Harry's arrival and at other points of his life - Harry's arrival being the more clearer and powerful point of time. You gave the perfect opportunity and setting for it. :)
Severus = Angst = ♥^♥ - me (Yeah, I just had to add that in somewhere in the review. x3)
I haven't found any major problems with the grammar or spelling either so that's good. :)
I still think the last sentence seemed a bit rushed but it's not really something major and I guess it was necessary for you to get the certain effect you wanted for the story and give that powerful ending.
Overall, it was a beautiful angsty chapter and I look forward to the next one. :))
I understand if it takes you a while to respond to this review since this was a pretty long review for one chapter ( I overdid it. =_=" ). But I'd like you to know that a really long reply won't be necessary so if you feel like you owe me one and are troubled by it, you don't. Any length would be enough for me. :))
So yeah, thank you for requesting this, it was a pleasure reading.
See You Next Chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for being willing to review this story! I'm having a bit of trouble finding exactly what to say to everything here -- you left such a long review and I am so, so grateful for everything you said. So THANK YOU and I hope my other responses will be a bit better than this one! :3