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Review:dobbys_socks says:
Okay, those two chapters were even better. I keep saying that everytime, don't I? Anywho...

Lily Is A Punk Rocker: This chapter was great; I liked it. In a sentence at the beginning you used the word 'head' twice, and in the line "And I may be a slob, but you, you are a neat freak." you should have used a semi colon instead of the second comma. When they were in the car and Wendy told Lily that she ran away and Lily got angry, I thought that it didn't suit Lily to do that, but that's just me. I loved the nickname Lilac and the line "Why do your friends have such funny names?" Hilarious!

Hong Kong Garden: In the first paragraph, "bloody" and "bleeding" weren't necessary, but maybe that's just because I don't like bad language. Lily performed magic in front of Wendy to get the toolbox out: even though Wendy didn't see, shouldn't Lily get a letter from the Ministry for a hearing or something?

I love how through the whole story you use dog-like words to describe Sirius's actions and stuff, that really clever! Great job on these two chapters again. 8/10.

G

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think I'm getting better, at least! I'll go back and fix the grammar-y things. Again, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you about Lily getting angry. It's not that she's mad at Wendy. It's righteous anger. She's mad because she wants what's best for Wendy, and she feels that Wendy did something unsafe. Almost like a parent getting mad because the kids went swimming when there wasn't a lifeguard around. I think that protective streak is very much in her character.

I felt that those words fit into the mouth of Sirius Black. He does say them in the books and I figured he'd be grouchy at 3am. And yes, Lily should probably have gotten a letter. But I figure the Ministry has bigger and badder things things to worry about.

Thank you once more!


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