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Review:dobbys_socks says:
Great job, I liked it. Very interesting.

You know how I said I was obsessed with characters being written right? Well, Sirius didn't seem like... Sirius. He shouted a lot more than I would have thought he would. And I can't imagine Remus working in a Muggle mechanic's office; he should be out in the wizarding world as a spy or an Auror or something along those lines.

On a pleasanter note, I liked the scene with Wendy and the old woman. You could have probably died down on the 'dear's a bit and maybe described them both better, especially Wendy's story. Grammar: the line at the beginning "It was a beautiful day outside the garage; the songbirds were chirping in a summery tone and the trees swayed..." I think a comma would be better suited than the semi colon after garage. Another thing, "...which made him more cantankerous that an old man who'd misplaced his false teeth at suppertime - with hunger pains." The correct grammar would be "which made him more cantakerous THAN an old man...".

I liked it, and I am curious to read more. 7/10

dobbys_socks

Author's Response: Thank you for your very prompt response!

I will absolutely fix those grammar issues! I had no idea that I'd any big ones left. Thanks for pointing those out.

I'm very glad that you enjoyed Wendy's talk with the old woman. I will say that I wanted to cultivate the mystery of why Wendy is coming and who she is really.

I did have my reasons for the Sirius and Remus choices. Perhaps I took it a bit far with Sirius, but I wanted to capture the fact that he's really under pressure in this new venture. He doesn't have a way to support himself if he can't make this business work.

As for Remus, I remembered that the books mentioned that he had a hard time finding and keeping a job because of his furry little problem. I figured that Sirius offered him the job to help him out.

Thank you again!


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