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Review:NaidatheRavenclaw says:
This was great!

I loved the way you characterized Bella and Rodolphus. It's definitely strange to think about someone falling in love with Bella, but you captured those reasons perfectly. Since we know almost nothing about Rodolphus, it makes sense to me that he wouldn't want an air headed girl, and that he'd fall for Bella. And she was strong and harsh, as we see in her later years, but Bella was also slightly toned down, which I really liked. I've seen early versions of Bella where she used the cruciatus curse from age 11, which just isn't believable :P Your idea of her was much more accurate, in my opinion.

I also loved the tone of the piece. You really had the "proper" sentence constructions and such. It felt like these were the thoughts of some high class family, which it was. For the most part, you managed to retain it really well, even during the banter, which I think can be hard.

The one insult I didn't like was this: "Attention? If you want attention from a bunch of overindulged, whiny children you'd do better finding a creche. At least they would have greater brainpower," he scoffs." You were doing an amazing job with fresh and new insults, keeping the pureblood tone of voice in there as well, and I felt like this broke that. It didn't sound quite the same as your voice for the rest of the piece, and I think the whiny children thing is a bit overused. That's very minor though, and I loved everything else!

Overall, you wrote a really great piece. It was believable, flowed well, and I couldn't find any spelling/grammar issues :) Lovely job!
-Naida

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I absolutely adore these two so I'm glad you liked it.
Oh god, the sentence constructions killed me. It was so hard to do and make them sound like teenagers but high class teenagers.
Yeah, I'm not too happy with that insult either, but I spent so long trying to think of something else that would fit and couldn't so it stayed there.

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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