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Review:babewithbrains says:
Hi there!

You've left me two lovely reviews so I thought it was about time I returned the favour :)

This was interesting. I love Narcissa and Andromeda as characters and I think you gave them a lot of depth. I also thought it was very romantic and I loved Lucius in this.

I would have liked more background information on Andromeda, though I understand that since it's from Narcissa's POV, perhaps she isn't as concerned. I just thought it was slightly abrupt, the way Andromeda was told Yaxley wanted to go out with her and then she just upped and left. I seem to want to read more a lot, though, so maybe it's just my personal preference :)

I definitely thought the way Lucius and Narcissa were courting each other was quite realistic and sweet. The only other quibble I have is a grammar one -- dialogue punctuation. I'll give you an example.

'Yes.' He admitted.

Now, this is incorrect because after dialogue, if you have a "saying" word such as "admitted" or "said" or another word that describes how the dialogue is said, there should be a comma after the "yes", not a full stop/period. Then, the "he" won't be capitalised. I just noticed that this error kept popping up so just bear that in mind in the future, because it was one thing that was a little distracting.

But overall, I really liked this piece, and I thought it was an excellent exploration of what could have happened when Andromeda left her family. I rarely read Lucius/Narcissa but this was done very well.


Author's Response: Hey there! It's so thoughtful of you to stop by and leave me a review, and I'm glad my reviews are so helpful for you.

I suppose I'll deal with the critique first. As far as Andromeda, I like her character too, and it would be nice to go more in depth. However, Narcissa was the main focus of this story, so I wanted to spend more time dealing with her feelings as opposed to talking directly about Andromeda. Also, I tried to give the impression that Andromeda was fed up with her mother's treatment of her, Yaxley being the last straw, based on our knowledge of her relationship with her family in canon. Perhaps I should have spent a little more time developing that, though.

As for your grammar comment, I've honestly seen it done both ways. This is how I've always done it, and if you read any other stories of mine, it'll be there, too. I guess I just don't think about it much while writing, as I'm more focused on adding imagery and developing characters, and it doesn't tend to bother me in other people's stories. But you make a valid point, one that another reviewer of mine has mentioned, and so I'll definitely think about trying to work on it in future stories.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially since you don't usually read much of this pairing. It was just meant to be sort of fluffy and sweet, and it seems like that worked for you, which is great!

Thanks so much for your lovely review :)


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