Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:forsakenphoenix says:
Hi there!

I hope this review makes sense. I'm a bit under the weather but I'll try my best to make this as coherent as possible.

First off, I loved this story! I don't read many fanfics about little known characters so this was very refreshing and you picked a wonderful character to explore. Your descriptions here are fantastic - I could really picture everything as it was happening and that's my favorite part of descriptions, especially when it's done well.

I love how Susan uses astronomy to escape, how she seeks comfort in the figures' stories and strength in theirs. As I've never read much Susan, I can't comment much on her characterization here, but I love how you made her so withdrawn and unwilling to fight compared to Hannah, who is so gung-ho about it. I'm pretty sure she did join Dumbledore's Army though but it's such an insignificant canon detail that it doesn't really matter.

I think my favorite part of the story was when you said that Harry was off trying to save them but that they were the ones who were dealing with the consequences of his actions. That was a really powerful statement and I think one that isn't mentioned much in fanfics from POVs of those lesser known characters.

I really felt for Susan in this story - that her family was murdered and she didn't want to join the student army because she felt that fighting against Voldemort is what got her family killed in the first place. She definitely felt out of place among her housemates who were all too happy to defy the Carrows and to fight against Voldemort. It made for a nice contrast.

But then, the end! Oh, poor, Susan. I love how she finally found her strength and she took a stand to save a friend. She just needed the right opportunity to prove her worth.

I did notice quite a few mechanical errors and some awkward sentences - you were missing some commas and semi-colons in certain places that broke up the flow. I think the major thing I noticed is your use of periods when you're writing dialogue tags. You do it correctly sometimes but most of the time it's done incorrectly, so I'm not sure why there's an inconsistency. But it should read: "Blah blah blah," Susan said. So there should be a comma rather than a period. Unless the sentence ends in say a question mark or an exclamation point, you should use a comma there rather than a period.

Other than that though, this was a fantastic story. This usually isn't something I read so I'm glad I decided to take a chance. Great job! :)

Author's Response: First of all, thank you SO SO much for this beautifully written review! You are too kind! I'm glad you enjoyed this and i'll definitely go through it again to iron anything out that is distrupting the flow.

I know Susan was in the DA, but i still feel like not every member would be strong all the time and sometimes they doubt or worry and are weak. It's not easy to be strong when you don't see the fruits of your efforts or hear from Harry and Co. for ages. It must feel sometimes like what's the point of revolting when it's just going to get you killed. I was trying to convey that anyway in this story.

Anyway, thank you so so so much for these words of encouragement and i'm so pleased you enjoyed it! I really love exploring reletively unknown characters and trying to give them a voice. I appreciate you taking the time to leave such a well thought of review! :D thank you thank you so much for stopping by!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 408
Submit Report: