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Review:Sam says:
`Hey, you've done pretty well here. I liked the use of Ron and Hermione's relationship. I also think the way you were planting seeds like with the Weasly breakfast table was good. However, there are a few grammatical errors that are small but hurt the flow of the story; I also think you missed that vital thinly veiled politeness of Voldemort. That's what gives him a lot of his fear factor. Because he goes from being polite but picking apart every detail of what someone is saying to him, like interrogation, to scaring them witless with his unmasked hissing fury. Without the reminder of his "cold high pitched voice" and "mirthless laughter" and the aforementioned interrogatory polite dialogue, the dynamic of the death eater/dark lord relationship is glossed over. And it takes away from the story. All in all though, not bad reading.

Author's Response: OK, thanks for feedback. This is exactly what I want.

As for Voldemort - I'll have to go back and remind myself how JKR did it to capture him better.


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