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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, it's Beeezie, here with your requested review! :)

All in all, the story flowed well. It got stronger as it went on - early on, some of your descriptions and metaphors were a little overdone. At one point, you say, "I waved even though you couldn't see past the darkness that had become a constant companion" - that's too much, at least for me. It makes it sound like he literally couldn't see through the darkness. At another point, you say that she heard her mother sobbing silently, which also doesn't make sense. As the story progressed, however, and as she started to talk about more concrete things, that got much better.

I liked your characterization of Ginny. It was completely plausible both in terms of what we saw of her in the books and how someone in her situation might have been feeling. It's difficult to write a story without dialogue, and it can be hard for a reader to get through. I didn't have that problem once I really started to read it, which is great. It's a different story without dialogue, but personally, I think that when you're writing something reflective like this that's fairly short, this is a good way to go about it.

All around nice job. :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Yes, thanks for pointing that out- it does seem a bit heavy on the metaphors towards the beginning- and it didn't occur to me that she would hear her mother sobbing silently . *face-palm*

Thanks! Her character is so strong and I just hoped I could do her justice. I couldn't work in any dialogue, so I'm glad it works this way.

thanks for all the help! I'll definitely make some edits and see if I can work on the metaphor thing.


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