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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there! It's DarkRose from the forums, here with your review. Sorry it took me so long to get to, I've been very busy.

Well! I think this was a very nice story. For some reason, whenever I read stories about Narcissa, they remind me of my oldest sister. I guess it's just that I think they look alike (the actual, canon-blonde Narcissa and my sister, Julia). But something about your characterization here made it seem like her too. (Yeah, random. Okay, on to the real review...)

Anyhow: I loved your characterization. The subtlety of Bellatrix's cruelty, Narcissa's desperation to keep her family together, Lucius's hinted concern. It was all very well done, none of it over the top.

I thought the story itself was very unique. Usually Andromeda's-departure stories are filled with anger from her family, and I liked this change in pace.

Great job with the plot. I think it moved very nicely. I think I would've liked more description, though, just of their surroundings and maybe the atmosphere in the Black house, etc. You know?

The one thing that I wasn't particularly fond of was when Narcissa was crying in the restaraunt. I think her dialogue there was very frail and didn't quite fit the character. The stuttering could have worked, but I think the way it was done actually detracted from its usefulness. And how she says that Andromeda has been "sleeping with a Muggle boy" seems weird for the situation. I don't think she would phrase it that way, especially talking to Lucius.

Other than that, I think it was a very good story. The tone was wonderful and really brought everything together. I liked it a lot.

Great job!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey there! That's all right, I know the feeling :)

I'm glad you liked the story and didn't find it to be over the top emotion-wise. That's good to hear. I'm also pleased that you found it unique; I agree that this topic has been addressed before in fanfiction, and it makes me happy to hear that you find my depiction of it somewhat unique. I tried to emphasize that it was a very abrupt departure, and that it left the other family members with some confusion about what to do now. I think it could be written many, many ways, though; it's interesting in that way.

I appreciate your criticism as well. I've been trying to include more imagery in my stories, so I'll continue to add more of that in. As for Narcissa, I was really trying to depict the sense that she's finally falling apart after trying to hold in her feelings for the majority of the story. Her falling to pieces and becoming more raw and vulnerable in front of Lucius was sort of the crux in the story, in that it exposed him as an unprecedented source of comfort for her and worked to move their relationship along into something more serious. I hope that makes sense.

I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks for the review! :)

academica


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