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Review:academica says:
Hi there! I have finally arrived with your review :) I have actually been meaning to check out your second chapter for a while; it's just been a problem with finding time lately. So I've got to apologize about that.

I've got to be honest, this one dragged quite a bit for me. I found it a little difficult to wade through all the detail, and the pacing seemed very slow up until the meeting at the end. I liked how you tried to show an "average" day for Caradoc, one punctuated with his interactions with all sorts of shady individuals, but I think it would have been better if you had cut out some of the less important details, such as Caradoc's task-by-task checking of his office. I hope that makes sense.

I'm still liking the plot, and I'm curious to find out more about Caradoc and exactly where his loyalties ultimately lie. I feel like you've painted events pretty realistically. I'm interested to see what will become of the eleven necklaces he got. My mind went to the cursed necklace Draco gave Katie Bell in Half-Blood Prince, but I look forward to seeing what you come up with. I'm also wondering what in the world Rookwood is referring to on page seven of the Prophet.

I don't think I saw too many technical errors, except I know that at least once you used 'effect' when it should have been 'affect'. The imagery here was well done, though. It definitely created a sense of mystery and pulled me in a little bit to the shadowy underbelly of the wizarding world.

Nicely done! Thanks for requesting, and as always, I hope you find my feedback helpful :)

Amanda

Author's Response: I know it's really slow and I'm not too keen on it myself, but I felt I had to keep all of it still in, unfortunately. I'll definitely try to cut those bits out in the future, so thanks for mentioning it!
The necklaces will show up again, so watch out ;) and Rookwood's page seven obsession-thingy will also return.
'Affect' and 'effect' are one of those things I do without thinking about it, but I'll try and pick it up when I edit these chapters...
Thanks for reviewing, it was very helpful!
Aph xx


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