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Review:Salem says:
Agnes here with your review!

This was just absolutely beautifully written. I've never read something quite like this before--I really love how reading fan fiction opens my mind to new, unique things. Reading from the perspective of something inanimate, though claiming it still has a soul, somehow left a very deep impression on me. I especially loved the ending line.

So, thank you for giving me the opportunity to read this!

I like how, even though this was a relatively short piece, it felt as if it were longer while I was reading over it. The description you used matched the mood well, and I just became so completely absorbed while reading.

As for things I believe you could better, I think you could do with different word choice in this part: "to lots and lots of Quidditch players"--I think it would be better to say, maybe, "several" or even "many, many" instead of "lots and lots." To me, those words just seem...weak and they don't leave enough of an impact on me, honestly. And since that line is in the beginning paragraph, I think it's important to draw in the reader with words that emphasize the situation.

A few errors I noticed were: "to hear their tantrum unfold"--tantrum should be in the plural form here since "children" is the subject.

And "The pitch itself had seen"--I noticed that everywhere else, "Pitch" was capitalized except during this particular line.

Author's Response: hello! I'm glad you made it over here ^_^

Nawww thank you so much for your compliment ^_^ That means alot to me that you think it was ;beautifuuly written' Thank you soo much! x

You are absoultley welcome! x Oh am really flattered that it left an impression on you :D It made me all giddy and happy ^_^

You were obsorbed in my first ever one-shot? Wow. I really am speechless about that, thank you very much for your lovely compliments! xx

I will look into all your tips on wording and grammar, as I know my Grammar is shocking, so I am greatfull that people can pick it up, and As I have said before, even though all of my stories have a beta, I do not expect any of them to pick up every minor detail that I get wrong, but still thank you so much for giving me those little tips, ill look into it and fix it right up ;) xx

~Karni. xx


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