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Review:SiriuslyPeeved says:
The atmosphere in this piece overall is wonderful; you've created a feeling of foreboding and of sadness, and things broken that can't be repaired easily or at all.

I love how you've given each viewpoint character a complex personality. Each one has a believable human quality: Scorpius's struggle with cigarettes, Elodie's feigned indifference to Scorpius, and Albus's feeling out of place in his irritating family. It's a breath of fresh air to see the Weasley-Potters depicted as anything but the perfect family; I applaud you for that daring choice.

You requested some notes on grammar / punctuation; overall it was a very solidly composed chapter, so I'll try to zero in on just a few spots in a review context. One bit in the opening paragraph jumped out at me; "If she had taken a few steps to her left, she would have been to sense his scent..." You may have meant to edit it out and go in another direction. (I do this myself all the time, which may be why I caught it!). There are other word choice / missing word / missed plurals here and there as well, I don't want to call each one out in a review context but it would benefit from a quick once-over.

I suspect that a Slytherin Albus who would like to follow in Arthur's footsteps is in trouble if anyone finds out; his ideas would surely not be popular in his House. (He's more of a Weasley than he'd like to be!). I hope Snape's portrait does have some interaction with Albus, that would be fun to read.

The atmosphere in this piece overall is wonderful; you've created a feeling of foreboding and of sadness, and things broken that can't be repaired easily or at all. Great chapter & I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: I wanted to achieve just that, so thank you so much! I'm so glad it worked. Third person is always difficult for me, just like levels of description, so I hope the mood wasn't ruined by that.

I have always wanted to write some epic story where the characters are really developed and the plot is luscious and you get really get your teeth into it. I read a really good one (embarrassingly a Gossip Girl fanfic) and thought I could try it for myself. I actually love writing about dysfunctional family. I wanted the pretense of a happy family and I supposed that it what Harry and Ginny think they have. They also think that Albus is just shy - they try to encourage him. They feel they have to make a special effort because he's so different. Albus isn't as stupid as they think though, and their apparent approval of his Slytheriness just comes off as patronising - which it is.

I'll have a look and edit! Thanks for pointing it out! :D

I love Arthur, and I hated killing him off, but I wanted Albus to have something that meant he was still tied to the Potter/Weasleys, something that meant to came back every summer and kept reading. He did it respect for his grandfather, someone who shared his love of books - I always pictured Arthur as a little bit wise. And Albus Sev was Arthur's fave grandson.

Thank you so much for your lovely lovely comments. Really. Thanks for taking the time to review!


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