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Review:Erised says:
Hi! This is Erised with your review, apologies for it being late.

Okay: wow! This was a powerful start with plenty of mystery and suspense. I really liked the small touches that you added, such as the red ink revealing a hidden message and the golden glow round the door as protection - I felt as if it really added realism to the story. It's the little details that show you've put a lot of work into this.

I liked the characterisation of the characters - Caradoc is an interesting person to choose as he's a very obscure character if I'm correct, as the name rings a bell, and you've completely made him into your own. He has a darker, gritty side that I really enjoyed, almost as if he's a younger and more twisted Moody. Perhaps one thing that struck me was the James seemed a little too puppy-like, in that he was excitable and naive, when I would have imagined him to be more solemn about it all. Sirius perhaps would strike me as more of a joker between the two of them, but perhaps that's just my own personal preferences and how I imagine them. I thought Lily Evans was perfect, though.

The writing itself was elegant and flowed well - I think I noticed one or two typos but nothing major. The structure was good also, and leaving the hook until the very end makes the reader immediately want to move on to the next chapter. The descriptions and settings were also good. If it could do with one thing, then it could possibly be a little darker with perhaps the movements and moods of the characters and more dismal settings, to really intensify the dark mood.

Overall this is a very promising start and I would love to read more if you re-request. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really like adding details - I try and add them in everywhere I can, really - so it's good to hear that's not backfiring on me.
He's one of those people who's mentioned occasionally - and he definitely has a darker side, if things I'm planning go right :P James... will grow up throughout the story, at the moment this is all really new to him and he's still eighteen. Sirius has known more from a younger age, if that makes sense. I enjoyed writing Lily - she's such a different character to the rest.
I'll go back over it and look for the typos you mentioned when I edit it and definitely think about making it a little darker.

Thanks for your review - it was really helpful!
Aph xx


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