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Review:Enitsirk says:
I thought it was a great story. The flow and characterization is fine. I enjoyed it. :D

I do have a couple of suggestions:

1. Watch out with the spacing. It looks like one of your lines might have got deleted so there's a giant space. Haha.
2. I like that you're trying to separate the two thought processes, but I think it would be an even better store (as well as easier to follow) if you just meshed the two. Brought them together and made dialogue flow etc.

I hope this is helpful. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought that the flow and characterization were fine and that you enjoyed it. As for your suggestions. The spacing was messing me up at the time... since then I've learned to sort it out better so I'll go back and take a look thank you.

Thank you, if I do any adding on to the story I'll definitely keep that in mind. I was going for showing both the points of view but I do understand that that helped to make it harder to follow. Sounds like meshing them might be a good idea, at least at some points in the story.

Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it ^^


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