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Review:Illuminate says:
Hi! Here for your review!

I think I like what you've started here. I like how you caught the reader's attention with the beginning of this- your summary's awesome, too xD It gave a little mystery about what exactly he does for his work, and introducing the Marauders and Lily into the Order.

Your characterisation is also really good! I really connected with your Dumbledore to the canon one, and your Lily, James and Sirius were good, too. Oh, and your Moody. As for Caradoc, he seems to be quite closed off and bitter for some reason, and it helps contribute to the dark atmosphere of the story.

I think you can make it seem more like it's in a war by maybe accentuating their fear- I mean, I know they're all brave and in the Order and everything- but you've got to really describe the desperation and danger they experience.

All in all, great opening chapter (despite the fact it was reeeaally long xD)!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for all the compliments! :P I find mystery quite hard to write, so I'm challenging myself with this and it's good to know there was a bit of that in there.
Moody is so difficult to write! And Dumbledore! I rewrote what he said about three times before deciding it was alright, so I'm glad they seem okay.
You make a good point there - I'm currently writing Chapter 3 so I'll make sure to try and include more of that from there.
Yeah, sorry, all the chapters for this are probably going to be about this length :D

Thanks for the review, it was really helpful!
Aph xx


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