Hi, electricfeel from the forums here with your rather late review.
I absolutely adored this. I loved the way you managed to convey the bleakness of it all in your writing. It's really dark and I especially love how the vampires haven't been romanticised at all! Vampires are supposed to be dark, they feed on us humans. They don't sparkle and watch us sleep at night!
The plot itself is really unique. The whole idea of having your number called out is incredibly eerie. I also liked how you went into details about the way humans were basically a commodity, I found that really interesting to read actually. It completely captured my attention.
I feel like, although this is only the first chapter, you've really went into a lot of detail. Discussing the changes in weather, for example. I also loved the part about the "crazies" that was a really fantastic touch too. All these little descriptions here and there completely add to setting the whole tone of your story, if that makes sense? It really helps to solidify the darkness of it all.
As for believability - well in the world of Harry Potter, anything is possible really! But, with the snippets of information you've given the reader in this chapter, you've made the idea of vampires taking over very plausible. You've given us a little background information that you as a writer can build upon. But, I think that even if you don't, it would still read as being believable.
I really can't wait to read more of this, so please, feel free to request again!
Author's Response: Hi there! No worries about the late review... I completely understand how that goes. ^_^
I'm really thrilled you liked it. It's supposed to be really dark, or at least this prologue is because the reality of their world is that it's dark, and bleak and there doesn't seem to be any hope. I hope to always keep that dark edge, at least until the story has progressed more!
Thank you! (: I'm glad you thought the plot was unique... I haven't seen hardly any vampire stories that weren't crossovers on the site, and even in actual published material there are hardly that focus on the vampire world having taken over the human world. They're always in hiding, if you know what I mean! So that was always an interesting angle to me!
And I agree. I feel as if there would be nothing more degrading than not even being known by a name anymore-- you are simply a number. And that's it. But for vampires it seems as if that's how they would treat humans and the wizards who ignored their existence for so long.
That's another thing I'm working on. I really set my goal to include a lot of description. I feel like it can honestly make or break a story, and for me, it's tough sometimes to find the right balance, but I'm glad you felt like I did. Maybe sometime, I'll dedicate a chapter just to you in the POV of one of the crazies ;) But thank you!
And this is true. I just can't stand stories that sound SO interesting and then you click on them and they're either not written well enough to be believable or they're just... I don't know, haha. I'm actually in the works of after is completed, creating a sort of prequel for this story that's set 200 years in the past of this story and will be in the point of view of the lead vampire, but then again, that's me! Always planning another story before I even have all of this one thought out! :P
I will definitely let you know when I've posted the first real chapter, hopefully it doesn't disappoint! :)