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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This story is hilarious! The bacon? The silent treatment? The huge family argument in the last chapter? I don't know how you come up with these things... I don't think I ever could. I also love James' narration- I think you've nailed the fifteen year-old boy mind pretty well. He's such a teenager!

As well, your story flows very smoothly from one point to another. I love how you include little bits of history in his narration (the grudge cycle) because it helps to build a (hilarious) picture of his family life. The argument from the last chapter was genius! James is such a manipulative child that loves to create chaos... I just loved reading about Albus' wish to switch genders and Hermione's promiscuous ways. :)

I noticed a few things while I was reading that would be really easy to fix next time you do an edit. The sentences "So I got out of bed. All grogginess gone, just curiosity left in me" can be combined into one sentence. I think it would help the flow. As well, "was caused pain" sounds awkward, but I can't think of any other way to phrase it... sorry.

As well, I feel that James' "coolness" realization about his parents came out of nowhere. He had just yelled at his family and finished a weeks-long argument. I think that it was a good idea, but that it could also be "eased in" a little more. I would include some thoughts like "Maybe they weren't so bad" or "Maybe he had overreacted" earlier in the scene to make it seem more of a gradual realization.

However, this was another funny chapter in a funny story. I can't wait to see where you go with this one! And who could his friends be? Is James the new Marauder at Hogwarts? :)

I really enjoyed reading this and thanks for requesting a review!

Author's Response: Oh wow, this is one LONG review!

You rock, first of all, let me tell you that!

Thanks for taking the time to write up such a lovely and long review. I'm glad the flow of the story is smooth.

Building James' family life was always an idea and I'm glad it's falling into place. I love tiny details like the grudge cycle. Details are amazing and I really think that they build the character of the story so I'm happy you liked that bit.

Thanks for your suggestions. I'll definitely look into that. You're so awesome for reviewing! You made me smile while I was reading this! Yay! :)


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