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Review:honoraryweasley says:
Hi there! Review swap, whooo. ;)

So, firstly, you were right about this needing some revision. Apart from a couple straight out errors, the flow was very awkward at times due to a shortage of commas and other sentence dividers and also due to sort of unnaturally worded dialogue. There wasn't a lot of contraction when your characters were speaking, which felt very odd at times. There was also the moment where Fleur just said 'Bye.' and the moment where Hermione approaches Ginny and Fleur and continues to have an entire conversation with Ginny before Fleur even greets her.

You warned me about the OOCness, and I definitely saw it there. There was also an awful lot of AU going on, and messing with the HP timeline - like moving Bill and Fleur's forwards. I'm not a reader who's overly comfortable with that kind of thing, but you know, you made it convincing enough. ;)

Your writing style was good - very good, actually! You remind me of JK Rowling a bit. Come to think of it, I really like your writing style. And in that case, my biggest piece of advice to you would be to get yourself a beta and make the dialogue more natural, fix the errors. Then you'll have yourself a great story! ;)

x J

Author's Response: Yea i'm going to work on getting a beta hopefully very soon! I wrote this chapter a year or two ago and would like to say that I have gotten a lot better at writing since then and I'm thinking of going through and seperating these into different chapters rather then having that all lumped into one chapter.

Wow I remind you of JK Rowling (blushes) thats awesome. I'm glad you like my writing style and that you think this will be a great story. Thank you so much for the review swap!

~Slytherinchica08~


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