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Review:fauxthefox says:
Hullo, this is fauxthefox from the forums with your requested review!

This is definitely very cute and fun to read. The flow is pretty good, although you have a few grammar errors here and there (mostly weird comma usage). I'd suggest that, if you belong to the hpff forums, you get a beta to work with you on that. You'll find some really lovely people who love grammar. :)

The one thing about this chapter that gave me trouble was the first-person narration. Since the writer is obviously a girl, it seems like you can't help making James sort of... feminine? It would probably be easier to make him a well-rounded, non-cliche character if you use third person, but that's obviously up to you.

This was really fun to read! Feel free to re-request if you'd like another review.

8/10

Faux

Author's Response: Hey and thanks for reviewing!

Well, this story was co-written and the first chapter was written by my fellow friend Incarcerous who is a guy so I don't see how it could be feminine. We're trying not to use cliches but thanks for the advice! I really appreciate the review :)


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