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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your final review!

Very interesting. You nailed the tension in the chapter. I do have to say I giggled a bit at Ron attempting to bring his whole family down even though it was a serious situation. The inclusion of Percy leaving his family was perfect for this chapter as well, it sort of takes some pressure off of Ron I think because we know that Molly was devestated once Percy broke ties with them and she wasn't really her old fighting self anymore for quite some time.

Not much to say. Except I do have one thing (and I swear I'm not nitpicky I'm just trying to help):

- 'AND DON'T RETURN UNTIL NEARLY GONE MIDNIGHT WITH A BAG FULL OF MUGGLE MONEY IN YOUR ROOM.'

This sentence seems off. Should it be "and don't return until nearly midnight with a bag full of muggle money in your room' OR 'and gone until nearly midnight with a bad full of muggle money in your room'

Just a small suggestion have you thought of getting a beta? They work wonders with tenses, grammar and all that stuff. You have a very good story with an excellent concept that is very different compared to everything else out there it just needs to be edited a bit but you're still doing a wonderful job!

Hope i helped and thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: These were fantastic reviews, so thank you very much :) They've all helped a lot! I had thought about getting a beta, but have decided that I'd get to a certain chapter before I ask for help, othrwise I might get so caught up with correcting grammar that I'd loose some focus on the actual story.

But thanks so much for these great reviews :)


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