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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your review again!

Well, hello description-er! You were holding back a bit with the first chapter eh? Giving more a good taste for us with this one! I LOVED the descriptions. I could see the rusty old bike, I could see Ron jumping over the bushes and throwing his leg over the Cleansweep and taking off to fly. Wonderful job dear, wonderful job!

As for Gregor, well he's a...how do I put this nicely...a greasy old git. I was so upset for Ron as I was reading this. The girl clearly doesn't care for him just because she might have gotten drunk and he, doesn't me he forced her to do anything. Of course she's her father's little girl so Ron is in the wrong naturally. She seems like a brat but I suppose we won't see her that much anymore after that bombshell. Even though it seemed momentarily that she disagrees with her father but only time will tell I suppose.

I can already feel the drama that's going to unfold. I'm wondering if Ron will lie or tell the truth to his family. It'll be interesting to see how he can handle a child and Hogwarts at the same time...and Harry because let's face it Harry Potter is a handful. Haha!

Just a few things:


- as long as if I didn't go too fast.
- After cutting the piece of rope, grabbing the bike handle and cringing and the bike creaked under my weight,

The first sentence should be 'as long as I didn't go too fast'
The second sentence you have an extra 'and. It just sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps changing it to '...grabbing the bike handle and cringing as the bike creaked under my weight...'

Now, to chapter three!

Author's Response: Thankyou again!
Once again I had missed those errors! So cheers for that :) - I often have a stupid habit of putting 'and' when i mean 'as'

Oops! Thanks :)


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