Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review! Sorry it has taken me so long! Let's get down to business, shall we?

Well! Interesting first chapter/concept. The ending threw a curveball my way, especially the last sentence. I figured Ron was hiding something, that was obvious but a soon to be child? I didn't get that. The chapter was filled with suspense, a good amount not so much where I'm pulling my hair out because you're telling us nothing. I like that you didn't give everything away. It started with Ron sort of nervous to come home, a dinner that could very well happen in the books between the Weasley's. Fred and George are just as funny here as they are in the books and you have written Molly just as she should be! I also like that you haven't exactly told us who the girl is and that she's a Muggle, letting us know that makes the story even more interesting. Questions arise such as: How did they meet then? What prompted Ron to do what he did? What is her family like? How did he tell her he's a wizard? How did she take it?

As for Ron being in character, yes I think he is to a certain extent. You have written him in canon and yet you have written him sort of out of character which works perfectly because of the time (the upcoming war--everything starts to become darker with this year and the next ones) and his current situation (he's about to be a father, he has worries, he has a secret job and this secret life and his family is struggling). I think the year works fine because the story is believable and it COULD happen to just about anyone. People make mistakes right?

Just a few things. I found one error in this sentence:

- his ankles, revealing what his family would to refer to as 'Muggle clothes'.

You have an extra 'to' there that needs to be deleted. Other than that there weren't any errors. Except you need to make sure you add a few periods here and there where it's necessary to show an ending of a sentence and the italics were a bit confusing because you italicized for Ron's thoughts and conversations. It's not really necessary to italicize conversation unless it's flashback but maybe that's just my personal preference/what I'm used too.

Anyway it's a good start! I'm interested in reading more.

Author's Response: Thankyou for such a great review! I hadn't noticed the extra 'to' at all so will rectify that mistake immediately! :D

Someone else also mentioned the italics and so I stopped using them in future chapters, but completly forgot to change this chapter!

Thankyou for such an honest review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 628
Submit Report: