Hey there! I have come with your review :)
This is an interesting concept for a story, and I love Fred as much as the next person, so I'm happy to see that maybe he might not be dead after all. I like that you focused on the details of the battle's aftermath, the practical stuff, because I feel like that's often set aside in favor of raw, emotional pieces. I think your characterization of Harry, the Weasleys, and the others was all just fine as well. I do sort of wish you had made more of a mention of Snape, which is partly because I'm a huge fan of him but also because I think his death affected Harry in a large way. However, that's totally a matter of opinion, and it's not like the story is lacking without it or anything, no worries :)
I'm a big imagery buff, and I feel like your description is a little lacking here. It would have been nice to write a bigger build-up with a more full, all-encompassing description of the ruined castle before jumping into the action. It would help to set the scene a little better, and right now things just sound a little too abrupt for my taste. By the way, these comments apply primarily to the first half of the chapter. I think the transition from description to action in the second half went much more smoothly.
Your writing was free of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors as far as I could tell, which is wonderful. The piece flowed very smoothly and held my interest quite easily. All in all, I think you've got a very promising second chapter here!
Great work! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope that my comments are helpful to you :)
Author's Response: Hey Academica, thanks for the comprehensive review! Interesting point about Snape. Having written most of it before his sympathetic portrayal in the film, I may have overlooked him a little. However, he's kind of a tricky character to write about from Harry's perspective, because Harry admires his bravery and dedication, yet still dislikes his character. Hopefully I'll be able to portray this well in future chapters.
The last chapter was strongly imagery based in my mind, and this chapter was a bit more of a joining, progression chapter, where things starts happening and events are set in motion. From the stagnation of the battle's aftermath and the death and despair, I tried to pick up the pace a little and get things happening that would give Harry a jolt. That's my explanation for the lack of much time devoted to imagery, but I do appreciate the comment and will try harder to find a better balance next time :)
Thanks for the review! You've definitely helped me consider a few aspects of my writing which is always a good thing, particularly at the beginning of a story.