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Review:Christine_Nighting says:
I entered this challenge too. Your entry is really wonderful! You portray the character's feelings well and it creates a haunting atmosphere. One of the things I really like about this story is the fact that several times towards the beginning you had rhymes.

"Things were left unsaid and our feelings were left unresolved and now I have nothing to stop the thoughts swirling through my head." There's a wonderful little rhyme between unsaid and head.

"Instead, everything is brick walls and closed doors and locked drawers." It isn't exactly rhyming, but it does have a bit of a rhyme to it that rolls off the tongue.

"It's like everything has changed since that night in seventh year, when I finally held my breath and took the leap you didn't want to hear." Seventh year and hear. Seems like you're creating a poem in your head. ;)

This piece does have run on sentences, but I think that it works pretty good since you do have the poem quality going already.

Ooh! One more thing.

"Maybe one day you can love me. Maybe one day you can tell me how you really feel. Maybe one day we cannot leave our words unsaid, and face them head on." Parallel structure. Always a great way to give a bit of attitude to a written piece.

Great job! This was certainly a pleasure to read :) Best of luck to you in the challenge!


Author's Response: Wow thank you! I'm so glad you thought I could portray the characters feelings well. I was worried she might have been a bit contradictory since I didn't actually get to read over what I posted.

I'm not going to lie though, until you posted this review I had no idea that my lines rhymed. Although I do have a tendency to like when things sound.. right together if that makes sense. I used to write poems like when I was in like second grade so maybe that's where it came from?

I do understand I have a lot of run on sentences. I tend to love them because they're so long and rambling but the ones in my story are probably very confusing.

Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing! It makes me happy that you liked reading it, despite the fact that it's pretty rough around the edges.


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