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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
I am not a big Next Gen fan but I've done a lot of reading this summer and I'm starting to like it. I've read a few ScoRose stories and I enjoyed this one a lot, even if it was written in first person which is not a favorite of mine. I did notice that you kept switching between 'you' and 'Scorpius' so it was hard to tell what point of view you were writing in. You did a fairly good job staying in present tense though you did write a few sentences in the past tense.


Then he turned to me "Come with me Rose."

we met Hagrid by his hut for our detention

Also, with that first example there should be a period after 'me.'

Is Scorpius in Gryffindor then? Since they're in the same CR...

A few other mistakes I noticed:

I tried my hardest to concentrate on discussing the potion at hand and to hide all the cliqued sensations of love that were flooding my system. - I think cliqued should be cliched? Otherwise it doesn't really make sense.

You have some issues with no capitalizing proper nouns, more specifically Peeves and I think Care of Magical Creatures wasn't capitalized.

I shouldn't have been surprise at - this sounds awkward...I think that it should be 'surprised' but that's not present tense so you may want to rework that sentence a bit.

"Are you okay," I ask at your pitiful figure - there should be a question mark, not a comma since Rose is asking Scorpius a question

rain coast - rain coat

"That is has," I reply, - is should be it

Otherwise, this was a really enjoyable read. It was interesting to get inside Rose's head as she admitted that she had a crush on Scorpius and how hard she tried to not be like all the other girls. I love reading first kisses! There's something so innocent and sweet about them and this is no exception. :)

I really liked the last line: The only question now is, when did I break you? I think it was a great way to end this story because we hear everything from Rose's POV so it leaves us wondering when exactly it was that Scorpius began noticing her as more than a friend, especially because he isn't one for relationships.

A very cute, enjoyable read. Good job. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a details review. I've got a beta reader to go through this one for me because I know I would have missed heaps of the past and present tense things when I edited it. I'm waiting for the edited version now.

I'm glad you liked the end. Sometimes I agonisise over how to end a story, but this one really did just write itself. I'm glad you liked my rendition of a first kiss; the situation is loosely inspired by a true story, except the paddock was full of cows not blast ended shreets (thankfully).

Thanks again for this review, it has been super helpful :)

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