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Review:academica says:
Hey there! Here with your requested review :)

Oh, Ana Lucia :) For a second I got really scared that this was a crossover, because I still haven't finished watching through Lost on Netflix (I know, I know, but I've got the attention span of a squirrel). However, it looks like I'll be in the clear :)

I think the ways you've twisted and changed canon here are interesting. I do sort of wish you had "shown" rather than directly "told" what happened and who Ana Lucia is, though. For example, you could show what Hermione is doing by having Ana Lucia overhear her on the radio while she's getting ready or something. I thought your writing flowed pretty well, but you did have some punctuation issues, like missing commas and periods. You could have a beta look over future chapters really quick before posting them, or you could just proofread again yourself. Either way, they don't obstruct my enjoyment of the story.

The story is interesting, but I'm a little confused by it. You didn't really explain how and why the wizards began using guns in their war when they had previously relied on magic. I also thought the action progressed a little too quickly, seeing as Ana didn't really have a reaction to Joe's unfortunate encounter with the Dementor. That could be attributed to her being hardened by war, I suppose, and the Ana Lucia from Lost would certainly act that way. I would encourage you to develop her character more fully; it makes a story more interesting, as opposed to just dropping a character from some other series into Harry Potter. Finally, the flashback about her mother was a little brief for my taste. I think it would have been better if you'd set it more apart (it gets easily lost in the text) and wrote it a little longer and more detailed.

I'm really sorry if this sounds like a harsh review. A lot of things jumped out at me as I was reading and I always try to be honest, especially if the review is requested. Your spelling and grammar are both great, and I think the idea is really original. Your characterization isn't bad, either :)

Nice work! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope my feedback is helpful to you :)

academica

Author's Response: Ha I love Lost and I actually have started a Lost/HP crossover! I finished it on Netflix in maybe four months and i watched the first season on three days...

I totally understand where you're coming from with the idea of showing. I think I'll throw in some dreams and flashbacks in upcoming chapters. That's such a good idea.

And you make another good point here! I have thought of posting little one shots in between waits for chapters with missing moments. With Joe's kissing (that sound's really weird to say), I think i'll add a simple: "Joe!" screamed Ana. In later (unposted) chapters I feel as if her character is more fleshed out as I change to a first person point of view as I decided it was getting boring and dull. I'll definitely consider adding more to Ana's mother dying.

Phhh, harsh reviews are the best. It shows that you actually care and want to help me! I appreciate it!

Thanks so much for reviewing! You were very helpful!

PS I just re-requested a review!


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