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Review:fauxthefox says:
Oh dear. I love this.

I think I'd have given you a full 10/10 just for your paragraph on Peter and your description of Stephen as "the commitment ring type." And also James's line, "if he's corrupting your youthful spirit." But I'll go on.

We're finding out more about Andy as time goes on, which I like. "Not my scene" isn't the most 1970s-English phrase, though (as far as I know). Also, I don't think Purebloods like Sirius would know about preschool, but that's your call. You usually do a pretty good job of writing dialogue that's believable for the setting, though.

This is a little bit awkward: "I didn’t stop to witness the effects – or to have to yield a Shield Charm to repel retaliation jinxes – but clambered out and jogged towards our arranged meeting space at increased speed." You might want to fix the "to have to yield a Shiled Charm" bit; it stumbles over itself.

Cheers for being imaginative and changing the dorm rules for the Ravenclaws. That was a believable twist.

Adding this to favorites; I'll definitely keep an eye on it. Feel free to request again if you'd like more reviews in the future!

Author's Response: You know, I hadn't even considered the preschool line - thank you for pointing that out! But after some thought I've decided that Sirius, coming from a privileged society, would be familiar with the concept, since I'm sure that some children from wizarding families did go to preschool! I'll also be sure to keep an eye on the language from now on, and I agree with you that the sentence you pointed out could use some simplification (:

Thank you! Will be sure to rerequest.


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